Friday, July 22, 2011

Captain America: The First Badass.

Well, the next Summer blockbuster is up.
God, how does that not look awesome?

Short version of the review: I recommend it. Long version of the review: Below.

If you saw Ironman 1&2 and Thor, I would recommend you see this. If you plan on seeing the Avengers film next year, you have no goddamn reason to skip this movie. Otherwise you are missing the point itself. In fact, a piece of the major plot revolves around the very-shiny-and-mysterious cuboid seen in the post-credits scene of Thor. 
Yeah, that thing. The Cosmic Cube. Have they flat-out said what this thing can do? I don't think the Captain America movie even knew what it was all about. 

Now, time to prod this movie with a mocking stick. Also, look out for some spoilers below. I won't be descrete about this. The movie starts with Steve Rogers doing his thing; trying to fight for his US of the America. Some character exposition happens, some more things, and then we are introduced to his best-friend-and-eventually-sidekickish friend Bucky. Sorry girls, he doesn't wear a domino mask in this movie and he isn't 14. More character exposition happens, bla bla bla, just sit back and enjoy.

Then comes the super soldier treatment. In every commercial I have seen for this movie up until it's opening, we see Rogers actually grow inside the giant metal taning bed, which was a really nice touch. It showed progression into the man he would become. Instead, we get blinding light and then he steps out all big-blonge-and-beautiful. Mm. 

Small thing that bothered me: they said that they were going to apply some serum to all of his major muscle groups. Then they only apply it to his biceps. Why didn't he walk out looking like a Tank from Left 4 Dead? A major hulk above the waist, and a tiny scarecrow of a man below. 

After all of this, other things happen. A nice chase scene with only one car involved, Nazi submarines and more. The good stuff. A little humor in there too; which I love. There was a nice little bit where Rogers was chasing down a car using his Adonis-body-from-five-minutes-ago, and he is so unfamiliar with his new form he accidentally turns too hard and crashes into a building. Brilliant. 

Bla bla bla. More stuff happens. Captain America gets three costumes in this movie, all of which are either ridiculously hilarious or down-right badass. Though, to be fair, the second is really a composite of the first and some stolen military gear. 

Then some shields happen, and the rest of the movie spends 40% of the screen time with that damn thing in the screen. 

Then he gets a badass motorcycle that does some tricky-awesome things straight out of Twisted Metal.

Damn, I need to wrap this up. Uh.

Hydra was awesome. Instead of just being a straight parallel to the Nazi army, they are the super devious research and development branch of the Nazi regime that eventually spirals out of control. Their weapons are devastating  and everything has a nice blue neon trim. Though their salute is downright humorous. 

Then Captain America and his rag-tag group of mercinary-soldiers of fortune crash the party and look damn good doing it. However, this is all in montage. I guess the videogames can pick up that slack, but damn, I would have loved to see them crush even more Nazi heads. 
Also more shield. 

Then more character development, some credits roll, and you see pure Marvel magik.
I misspelled that correctly, yes. 

Here is my theory for why everyone loves this: Steve Rogers represents the typical, under-physically-developed fan who wishes they were as big and strong as their favorite heroes. Instead of going to the gym and working up to that stature, Rogers gets it within a span of five minutes. Who wouldn't want that? What a slacker. 

Here is a link to my quick and thorough review of the movie on youtube.
Hm, I probably should have posted this first.
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Oh, also. Best character in the movie: A young and suave Howard Stark.
What a majestic stache.